Abduction Day

Once upon a time, not too far from here, just down the road, right at the roundabout, and down a bit there lived a troll called Mrs Webb. No. Delete. Go back. There lived a troll called Mrs Plant.

She was a grumpy old troll who hated children, which was ironic really as she worked in a school. But this was no ordinary school. No no no. It was a school for pixies.  Some with round ears, some with pointy ears, but all very well behaved. They showed the troll they could behave by showing her good sitting and showing her good listening.

Despite her grumpy nature the troll was very fond of the pixies and they adored her.

On this particular day the troll explained to the pixies that ‘abduction day’ was approaching. “Don’t you mean INDUCTION day Mrs Plant” said a bold pixie called Basil.

“Nope. Abduction. The teachers you will have next year will come to this classroom and abduct you for the day.”

“Oh” thought the pixies.

The teacher they are expecting to have has a reputation. She hates pixies in much the same way as the troll hates children. To look at she’s very like The Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, sinewy with a long pointed nose which turns up slightly at the very tip. She speaks with a noticeable South African accent. She’s known for being very stern and wears nothing but black clothing. She expects. No. Demands, perfect behaviour at all times. When you’re working, she insists on silence and that you put in 100% effort in everything you do. And rightly so. The pixies won’t be getting a good night sleep before Abduction Day.

And so the day arrives and the pixies sauntered into their usual class room as slowly as possible, have the register taken by their usual teacher and wait expectantly for, what feels like the end of the world.

But who is this? Nanny McPhee? “Good morning pixies” came the South African twang from the dark shadow standing in the doorway. The pixies froze. “Please stand quietly and come line up in front of me.” A rather nervous pixie named DeNero couldn’t help himself. Nudged his friend and started to whisper to him. He is a notoriously foolish pixie who, without thinking, had a cup of tea this morning before coming to school. This always sets him off. I still don’t know to this day why he did it! “SIT BACK DOWN” boomed the voice from the shadow, “all of you.” Out she stepped into the light. Mrs Harwight.

Once out from the shadows Mrs Harwight spoke in a soft and gentle voice, barely audible. “Right pixies, I did ask you nicely, I shall ask you just one more time and DeNero I have my eye on you. You are not to talk to Jibe. If you do, you and I will soon fall out. Do you understand?” DeNero nodded. The pixies lined up quietly and followed Mrs Harwight into her classroom, where the torture would begin.

Mrs Harwights’ specialist subject, if this were MasterMind, is Maths, or numeracy or numbers, whatever you prefer to call it. She thought being her favourite thing in the whole world it would be fun for the pixies to do maths problems for the day. You remember: if Billy buys four apples and Sarah buys six apples, how many new tyres does Darren need, to pass his MOT this Saturday? That kind of thing. She even brought with her a one kilogram bar of milk chocolate and used it to explain fractions and fractions of weights. “This 1 Kg bar is 100% or 1 whole bar or 1.0 of a bar. That’s 10 by 7 squares of chocolaty goodness. That’s right 70 squares, well done Basil but no calling out please. Now if I eat this first column of squares here, the first 7 squares, what fraction of the original bar is left? That’s right Jibe, 90% or 90/100 or 9/10 or 0.9, well done I can see you and I are going to get along j-u-s-t fine.” as she smiled a chocolaty smile at Jibe, the milky goo was smeared around her mouth, the rest of the class looked on in disbelief!

DeNero suddenly became very brave “why aren’t you sharing?” he called out. Mrs Harwight stopped still and whilst glaring at the impudent little pixie a dark cloud seemed to envelop her.

“WHAT?”

“Why aren’t you sharing the chocolate with us? We’re working hard!” Mrs Harwight visibly softened whilst she thought and the dark cloud dispersed. Using her soft, barely audible voice again she explained that this is a ‘healthy’ school and he wasn’t allowed any because he has ABCD (ABsolutely no Chocolate for DeNero) It would therefore be unfair to let all the other pixies have some chocolate but him. She was nothing if not fair. On the other hand the bar was now open, she couldn’t re-seal it and so SHE would make the ultimate sacrifice and eat it all herself. No, don’t thank me DeNero. This I do for you.

As the pixies were herded out to lunch, DeNero stole a square of chocolate from Mrs Harwights’ desk. She didn’t have her glasses on so didn’t see him do it but instantly felt a disturbance in the Force, and so she went to see Mrs Webb as she was on lunch duty.

The pixies take it in turns, a year group at a time, to go into lunch and DeNeros’ class would be last to go in. Mrs Webb issues each pixie with a ticket. By the time DeNeros’ turn came he was bouncing off the walls. Quite literally. Couldn’t stop himself. Even if he wanted to, which he didn’t. He loved how it made him feel, like he was invincible, could do anything and everything. Mrs Webb grimaced. Oh joy, he was going to be unbearable all afternoon, and lucky her, she was going to get the brunt of it.

She decided the best course of action would be not to let DeNero into the dinner hall, but instead have a ‘picnic’ on the field. She sent one of the already fed pixies to get DeNeros’ plate. Before he had time to see it, as he was still bouncing from wall to wall, Mrs Webb took everything off that had large amounts of sugar in and ate it herself. She then took a generous pinch of salt from the inside let pocket of her hi-viz coat and sprinkled it over DeNeros’ dinner. This was not the best antidote for the sugar that DeNero had eaten but would calm him down enough to get him back into class at least. After he had eaten, Mrs Webb made him do laps of the field to help work the salt through his system.

As they returned to class, Mrs Harwight scanned each pixie with the palm of her left hand. She stopped DeNero from entering the room “you stole my chocolate!”

“Didn’t,” DeNero lied. Mrs Harwight looked directly at him, straight into his eyes. He met her gaze and found himself swimming in her luminous green irises. “It was me Mrs Harwight. I’m sorry I lied and I’m sorry I stole the chocolate” Mrs Harwight broke the gaze as her voice again softened.

“See, I knew deep down you were a good and honest pixie” as she winked at Mrs Webb, Mrs Harwight instructed DeNero to sit at the table next to her desk, and if he even so much as thought about doing it again, she would put a paralysing spell on him.

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